Life In a Tier II city

For an introvert like me, living in tier II city is a little uncomfortable. I came to the city of my current residence five and a half years ago. I lived in Mumbai and Delhi before that. And I was quite comfortable living in those overcrowded cities because I too was a part of the crowd. Nobody gave a second thought to a person like me who stood in a corner in a crowded metro or kept her head down, not making any eye contact with any of the neighbors, while going to or coming from my work place. Nobody minded that. People in the metro cities are too busy. Half of their adult lives go in commuting from one place to another, everyone is in a hurry all the time. They have a vague idea of the new neighbor that moved in the adjacent flat but thankfully, there is not much time to spare and so nobody rings your doorbell expecting an enthusiastic invite into your house. 

Tier II cities are quite different. Here, everyone knows everyone. Which is quite scary for the introverts, asocial people like me. I do not talk much so I have no idea how to make small talk. For this, my current boss suggested I watch some YouTube videos or read some books. How do I tell her that the small talk doesn't bother me as much as the fear of it turning into a full-fledged 'long' talk? I was always happy to keep to myself. Two years of COVID were like a boon to me. I loved that everyone was working from home and we were actually being advised to maintain social distance. No parties, no social gatherings, no making courtesy visits to neighbors/ relatives. Oh! How I absolutely loved it!

It is not that I have no friends. And it is not that I have some superiority complex. I have few friends and they completely respect the boundaries I have set. They know how much effort I have to make to go out or talk to people. I have anxiety issues when it comes to facing people. I dread switching on my camera in an online meeting. Why does anyone want to see me? You are listening to my voice and that should be enough! There are only 3-4 people whose video calls I entertain. And actually, there are only a handful of people I am comfortable calling too. WhatsApp exists for a reason! And I feel I actually have an inferiority complex. People are so good, they have excellent social skills, a huge network of friends; they have what in today’s society is called ‘a life’. I, on the other hand, have my lips superglued. Not only this, people are good at cooking, baking, crafting, dancing. The only thing I am good at is lying in my bed, reading a mystery novel or overthinking situations.

So, you see, for people like me, living in tier 2 city is scary. I live in a flat and as I have said earlier, everyone knows everyone. It is not about just names, they know who’s cooking what; who is travelling where; whose relatives are visiting and from where. Damn! They know each other’s family history better than I know my family history! Now living here, in this place, I feel as an outcast. No, no offence to anyone. I never made an effort to be a part of them. Because I would die of anxiety if I even think about taking a step in that direction. But I am ok. By now they have formed their opinions about me. And their opinions do not make me the person I am. Only sometimes, when I hear something nasty in the common area or lift or parking, it affects a little. And I miss the anonymity I enjoyed in the cities I previously lived in. 

In this city I live in, I look for a happy place and often find it in my friends’ kind smiles, a neighbor’s polite nod of hello, the quiet summer afternoons on my off days, the chilled silent wintry night of New Year’s Eve.