In Search of a Happy Place

  There are times when my head is so full of thoughts and there is so much I want to speak that it troubles me. Somewhere in my heart I know there is a wide gap between what one says (wants to convey) and what is heard (perceived by the listener due to preconceived notions or conveyed due to lack of appropriate words) so I seldom speak what is killing me. I always end up telling myself that world will not stop if I have something in my head. And no one will change only because I see certain faults in them. I know I am not the center of the universe. Still, the problem remains. Today, I have too many why’s. Why are there so many emotions? Why are there so few words to express those emotions? Why do people always have their minds already made up so rigidly regarding the way they see some people? Why do not we walk the talk? Why do people have such fragile egos? Why can people not be biased? Why do people get satisfaction by blaming others? Why negative people are able to spread so ...

  Astrology, some people say, is pure science. For the others, it is a money minting business. I do not really know what it is. What I do know is that I want to stay away from it. And I have always made a conscious effort to keep myself away from any kind of fortune tellers. But not everybody is same. One of my friends consulted an astrologer yesterday. Let me give you a little background about her first. She is a strong, independent, witty, intelligent, compassionate person. The only mistake she made in her life was falling in love with a narcissist. So now, even after a decade of marriage and two kids, she seldom gets any peace as far as her marital life is concerned. I have seen her breaking down completely, crying inconsolably, contemplating ending her life- and then putting herself together, with new determination, to make things better. The cycle is never ending. It breaks my heart to see her like this. I often ask her why she tolerates all this? Why doesn’t she take a stan...

  In my first post in the blog, I had mentioned how I am an introvert and asocial person. What I did not mention there is that I do have long sarcastic tongue which when decides to vent out the anger, spares none. My family labelled me an ‘ill- tempered’ child when I was small. The thing is that I have zero tolerance for stupidity.   And I do not believe in worshipping the path my elders or people with authority walked. I require logic and reason to follow something. There was a time when I believed that speaking whatever you feel is good.  This attitude built my image as a stubborn, arrogant, impatient child and this continued even when I grew up. Then, at my second job, I met a wonderful person- my TL. He was a young, energetic person with a wisdom beyond his age. When he observed how things irritate me, how quickly my mood sours, how I do not believe in keeping my mouth shut when angered, he took it up on himself to bring about a change in me. Thankfully, he never le...

  Ok. So, I do what people think females do when they fail to do anything else- teach. I teach, I am a teacher. Perceptions are hard to change so I have also given up trying to change my husband’s outlook towards my job- he works and earns and I just teach. On a serious note, contrary to the widespread popular perception that teaching is a time pass job; it is a very difficult job. Your working hours do not end with the school getting over for the day. You come back home, you have notebooks to check, test paper to set, lesson plans to design, activities to plan and what not. And since for your family, teaching is not a serious job, you have to take care of the house, cook for the clan, tolerate the tantrums of own kids, go shopping for grocery or veggies and God forbid if some family function or unavoidable get together comes up. I do this day in and day out not because I need or want money, but because the absolute wonder that flashes on a student’s face when he grasps a tough c...

For an introvert like me, living in tier II city is a little uncomfortable. I came to the city of my current residence five and a half years ago. I lived in Mumbai and Delhi before that. And I was quite comfortable living in those overcrowded cities because I too was a part of the crowd. Nobody gave a second thought to a person like me who stood in a corner in a crowded metro or kept her head down, not making any eye contact with any of the neighbors, while going to or coming from my work place. Nobody minded that. People in the metro cities are too busy. Half of their adult lives go in commuting from one place to another, everyone is in a hurry all the time. They have a vague idea of the new neighbor that moved in the adjacent flat but thankfully, there is not much time to spare and so nobody rings your doorbell expecting an enthusiastic invite into your house.  Tier II cities are quite different. Here, everyone knows everyone. Which is quite scary for the introverts, asocial pe...